I slowly summoned the courage to mutter the words, “I’m gay.”īecoming silent, I slowly summoned the courage to mutter the words, “I’m gay.” At that moment, my parents turned to each other and didn’t speak for what felt like hours. Within three minutes of being on the road I turned to my parents and told them I had something I needed to say. After saying goodbye to him, my parents and I drove off for our four-hour car ride home to Bloomington, Minnesota. After talking to him, as well as Jesse and the few teammates who knew about my sexuality, I was determined to come out to my family before leaving for my senior year of college in the fall.īefore I knew it, it was the end of August and my family and I were on our way to drop Jesse off at college at Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa, where he is a second-year pharmacy major.
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Over the first few months of our relationship he taught me how to love and accept myself. In the spring of 2018 I began dating my first boyfriend. Over the next two years, I continued to find excuses to delay coming out to my parents. For the first time in my life, I felt accepted for who I really was.
After telling them I was gay, I was overwhelmed by their support. Toward the end of my freshman year, I made the decision to come out to two of my best friends on the team. As I became better friends with the team, they quickly became my second family. I quickly turned to the swim team to find the friendships and relationships I craved. That, coupled with the fact that the college I chose to attend is an all-guys’ school located in the middle of central Minnesota, caused me to keep my sexuality a secret. Going into my freshman year of college at Saint John’s University in Minnesota, I was nervous about people accepting me. Jacob Upton, right, and his brother Jesse. For this reason, I decided to continue hiding who I was and stay in the closet. My biggest dilemma was that I didn’t want to overshadow his coming out. I was jealous of his bravery and yearned for the affirmation he was receiving. However, I could not help but to feel uneasy. I was beyond proud of my brother for his courage in expressing who he was. Although shocked, my family and our friends welcomed and accepted him with open arms. It was not until May 2015, shortly before high-school graduation, when Jesse came out as gay. I felt like the only source of stability in my rapidly changing life, the only thing that I could control, was swimming. Despite this, I became more and more concerned with hiding who I was as high school progressed. What began as a simple after-school activity flourished into a love for my team and competition.
Although we did not always talk to one another about our sexuality, I was always able to count on Jesse to ease my anxiety and make me smile.Īt an early age I also turned to swimming, which proved to aid as a distraction from my worries. Through middle school and high school, it was reassuring to know that someone was experiencing what I was. Even though I did not always view it this way, growing up with a twin brother was a blessing in disguise.